Fear of cloning Buhari

Fear of cloning isn’t new. A few years back, a British tabloid scared me with a “chilling” report that an American, Panayiotis Zavos, was cloning humans.

Usoro I Usoro

I’ve heard so much of America-wonder, whatever that means. But I never knew Poland does more wonders than Trump’s land. The former communist nation is now a member of the European Union. Yet, ignoramuses like me still see it as a small land, where people only eat pierogi, fight the Soviet State and go to church every Sunday. Believe it, oh yes, Poland is “lively”. And before our very eyes and ears, it makes anyone who steps there self-conscious!

READ ALSO: Buhari hails resilience of Nigerians in Poland amidst discrimination

Well, Poland has amazing football team – they proved it at the recent world cup; good food; hospitality; quality music; drinking habit and beautiful women. It has great poets; modern democracy; famous artists and a culture of complaint. But they are honest even while criticising. Ask a Pole how he’s doing and he won’t act “polite” like Nigerians with a fake “fine”! Sure, he’ll let you know if he’s having a great day. But if not, get ready for it, when he talks about “bad weather, horrible traffic, annoying politicians, unsatisfying jobs”. They tell you as it is. And they’re very lively about it!

Hence, if you visit Poland, “lifeless”, the atmosphere brings you to life. Thus, if you walked around all year, wondering whether you are Adamu, Buhari or Jubril, Poland wakes you to reality. Ask Baba Buhari. It took a brief trip to Andrzej Duda’s country for Buhari to affirm his real identity.For a while now, rumour mill had been at work that Aisha has a new husband she’s not aware of. Those Gov Okorocha calls “Lair-i-sees” claimed that the real Buhari died last year. The man who wears his clothes; face; smile; body mass index, taciturnity and body odour(?) must be Jubril of Sudan. The tale was traced to runaway Nnamdi Kanu of IPOB. And fools like me almost got hoodwinked. But even “wise ones” like Bishop Oyedepo bought into it.

The shock and fear of a cloned Buhari’s been real for a while. It caught even Buhari himself by surprise. The man was probably so petrified that he could not react until he travelled to Poland to breathe some air of liveliness! Then, for once in months, he became sure of his existence, like Descartes. Well, Descartes arrived at his certainty of existence from thought; while Buhari got his assurance from breathing Polish air! “I can assure you all that this is the real me. Later this month I will celebrate my 76th birthday. And I’m still going strong!” Isn’t God wonderful? To Trump’s eternal shame, our president is no longer “lifeless”. And the man even knows his “real” age this year. Quite unlike last year, when he thought he was 74, but was “reminded” that he was actually 75!

A number of things came out of the Polish declaration. Would it not have been a miracle to find a body-double who could do an 800 metres fitness walk like Buhari? Physical resemblance may be possible but can there be behavioural photocopying? For sure, we now know that Buhari can be aware of things when he is out of Nigeria. And he can be aware of things when he wants to. Like when he steadily becomes “aware” that “PDP did nothing” in 16 years! But please, believe it, the man in Aso Rock is Buhari. You know why? Because he’ll soon celebrate 76th birthday. 76 years isn’t a joke. So those who expect quick action or reaction should calm down. Those who expect acceleration of thought and governance from Baba should show some “respeck” to his name! Did the man not clearly warn in 2015 that old age will hinder his performance?

Anyway, rumour of Buhari’s clone could have ended long ago as a joke, which it was probably intended. But it dragged on because our president keeps behaving as if he holds Nigerians in contempt. He hardly talks while at home and is never even aware of happenings here. Even when he treks to prove his readiness for 2019 election, he keeps mute. When his certificate is embroiled in controversy, he keeps quiet. When his appointees are allegedly involved in corrupt practices, he keeps mum. Some silence aren’t golden, sir. It leaves room for speculations and rumours!

Really, fear of cloning isn’t new. A few years back, a British tabloid scared me with a “chilling” report. The Sun of London said an American, Panayiotis Zavos, was cloning humans. A fertility doctor, Zavos ran to the Middle East for his experiment. He created an advanced human embryo cloned from the cells of a 46-year-old woman. The problem wasn’t Zavos’ motive – he desired “to help” people. “If people want to have children and cannot in the normal way, and I can do something about it, I will do so”, he reportedly said. Forget also the numerous failed attempts in the experiment. It took 227 failed efforts before Dolly became a sheep in 1996. It died of lung cancer and severe arthritis in February, 2003, aged six. I don’t know how fast tech has developed now to produce a Buhari’s body-double that is so perfect in look and character!

Well, cloning humans may help infertile couples, but a cloned Buhari? One nonsense fellow said that would be “cloning” blames and incompetence, endlessly. But isn’t that hate speech? Me? I no know book o!But then, if we were to extend the cloning to the general political class, God have mercy on our poor souls! Deceit; corruption; greed; poverty; insecurity,mechetra, mechetra!

Hello!? Cloning is a serious issue. One reason there was anxiety about a possible cloned Buhari is the fear of perpetuation. Much may not really be wrong with continuity but something is wrong with prolonging our hardship, darkness and woes! People seek positive change from bad to good; not when evil seeks to elongate its hold. Imagine if Hitler, Lenin or even Abacha were cloned and fixed on humanity forever.

READ ALSO: Ogundokun: Why I rejected money, ministerial offer from Abacha

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