Is your spouse a roommate, slave or beloved?

The husband of the slave wife is overbearing to his family but to the outside world, he is the charming guy who is seen as a family man.

Bolatito Olaitan

Honesty, this shouldn’t be my business but please can you just indulge me one more time to make this my business? If you are still showing the world you and your spouse are happily married, please stop telling yourself a lie and just read through this “garbage” carefully. Pick the category you fall into within your heart and ask yourself truthfully why you are still staying in that marriage.

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The Roommate

Having a wedding certificate tucked away somewhere safe doesn’t automatically translate to a happy home. Hanging beautiful family pictures on the walls of your sitting room doesn’t mean you are happy in real life. Attending functions together as a couple means nothing if you and your spouse no longer have anything to talk about on your way home. If you have grown apart from your spouse to the point where your home has been reduced to just a bedroom and your relationship looks like you are just flat mates than a romantic couple then your partner is nothing but a roommate. When your spouse no longer cares if you made a new friend then you are roommates; when you rarely or never say “I love you” then she is your roommate. If she is always screaming at you to leave her alone or you also act the same way, you are just roommates. Okay let me ask these questions: do you guys still flirt with each other? Do you still share inside jokes? Is your marriage no longer your priority? Has your everyday life turned to a boring routine? What’s your sex life like? I think it is high time you quit the pretense especially if all the conversations you have with your wife are just polite and superficial communication. If you guys no longer share secrets or confide in one another then you are just tenants sharing the same space than lovers who have created a nest together.

If the only thing you have in common with your husband or wife is just the kids then you should know there is fire on the mountain. This isn’t what you bargained for when you got married to a spouse. You promised her the world and now she is no longer interested in your world. I think you should ask yourself what the attraction was in the first place.

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The slave

Women are usually the victim here because our society is patriarchal one and some of these men are power drunk that they believe women are beneath them. So let me call her the “slave wifey” – the glorified housemaid. The one who has come to cook, clean and make babies. Unfortunately, this wife is just a doormat and she is in a prison she calls marriage. Her husband is domineering; the lord of the ring, the beast, the one no one talks back at. The husband of the slave wife is overbearing to his family but to the outside world, he is the charming guy who is seen as a family man. Confronting him is always a daunting task, he knows all and so no one dares challenge him. The unquestionable husband who flogs his wife to submission! He is the husband who wants his meal fresh and on time. He is the husband who will wake his wife up at 2.00 a.m. because he wants to eat pounded yam. This is the husband who enjoys seeing his wife being terrified by him. A sicko! For this man, the stream of tears on the face of his wife are fires that fan his manly ego. He knows all the scriptures on a wife being submissive and all the cultural codes offhand.

He is the Napoleon in Animal Farm and does whatever suits him at the detriment of others. Even his children are not spared because everyone crawls back to their shells when daddy returns from work. But please how do these women sleep with these types of men? Of course, they bully or rape them if they do otherwise. The most annoying thing about this kind of men is that they don’t even hide their sexual conquest. They flaunt it in the presence of these women. A man who loves his wife will not demean, manipulate or coerce her to do his bidding.

Unfortunately, this overbearing, chauvinistic, arrogant attitude doesn’t only damage his relationship with his wife; he also ruins the opportunity to bond well with his children.

The beloved

Although there are no perfect marriages, there are ways you can treat your spouse like she/he is the most important person in the world. The first bullet point is always to put the needs of your spouse first. Be determined to be the serving spouse no matter your gender. Have honest conversations and spend quality time at home.

READ ALSO: From lovers to husband killers: Why women murder their spouses, by experts

Develop good listening skills. Understanding and forgiveness should always be your watchword. Always show affection and kindness. Lastly, share household and childbearing chores. Yea! You heard me right.

The post Is your spouse a roommate, slave or beloved? appeared first on The Sun Nigeria.

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