Issues around polygamy and masturbation

Masturbation, on the other hand is a deliberate act. It is not natural. I don’t think it is right. Those who indulge in masturbation tend not to like sex…

Ladi Ayodeji

A reader recently asked me some questions on polygamy and masturbation. What an odd combination to deal with in the subject of marriage and human sexuality! I can’t find a more controversial topic in man-woman relationship than these two topics, apart from homosexuality and the related issues of same-sex marriage.

READ ALSO: The pressure over same-sex marriage

Polygamy is a marriage of one man to more than one wife. One of my readers, Mr. Ejike called to ask if it is a legitimate form of marriage for Christians. The fact is that, there’s no specific verse against polygamy in the Bible.

However, the Bible says, if any man desires to be a church leader, he could only be the husband of one wife. In other words, polygamists are excluded from holding leadership positions in the New Testament church. There are many reasons for this prohibition. Moreover, there are enough problems associated with polygamy that makes it a high risk venture. I doubt if a polygamist can be a good Christian. Ruling any polygamous home can be a daunting task; as challenging, indeed, as governing a nation. A polygamist must have to cope with siblings’ rivalry in addition to intermittent quarrels between his wives caused by petty jealousies. Sometimes, these quarrels can degenerate into spiritual battles.

Granted, some people came into polygamy by accident. Men in troubled marriages sometimes get into extramarital relationships and end up with a second wife. But rather than solve the problem, such affairs actually compound it. This is a familiar scenario: The new wife would come into a heated home with her own baggage. She may sooner than later discover that there’s a world of difference between being a girl friend, or mistress and a full housewife in a polygamous home. Character flaws can only be revealed in marriage; it is only when a couple begins to cohabit can their weaknesses be fully realized. True love can only be determined in a real crisis situation, not when the going is good.

Monogamy has now become the acceptable form of marriage in our society, except, perhaps, for some Muslims who still believe in polygamy because Islam recommends it for the willing faithful. We also know that it is not ironclad that a Muslim should marry more than one wife. Whatever the case, our concern here is the desirability or otherwise of polygamy in modern societies. It all depends on individuals.

For me, I do not see any advantage in polygamy that makes it an attractive form of marriage. And, come to think of it, is it really possible for any man to satisfy two or more women sexually, materially and emotionally in today’s crisis-ridden society? I don’t think so. Like I said, it is unrealistic. That’s probably why polygamy is on the decline. I hope the foregoing satisfies my curious readers who want my thoughts on the contentious issue of polygamy.

Now, let us consider masturbation. Every young man experiences wet dreams at puberty. Also, at about this period, sexual urges begin to increase as young folks indulge their imaginations in wild sexual acts, which often leads to masturbation.

For the benefit of those who do not know; masturbation is the act of fondling the penis or vagina for sexual pleasure. This is usually the result of sexual tensions and lack of an immediate opportunity to have intercourse. Questions have been asked by many young people whether this is right or wrong. A case of wet dreams is certainly not a sin, because it is an emotional expression of the attainment of puberty. It is clearly a natural growth process. A wet dream is not induced; it comes naturally. A youth wakes up to find his pant wet from ejaculation in a dream.

Masturbation, on the other hand is a deliberate act. It is not natural. I don’t think it is right. Those who indulge in masturbation tend not to like sex, because they already have a degree of sexual satisfaction. Why masturbate if you are married, when your wife is there to meet your sexual needs? Since Christianity forbids sex outside marriage, a person at the grip of sexual urge just has to control themselves. That’s why self-control is important.

Although, masturbation is not mentioned at all in the Bible, and no one is recorded as indulging in it, but Onan (Gen. 38:9) was killed by God for dropping his sperm on the ground – a case of withdrawal as we know it in today. Onan’s case is a different thing altogether; it does not mean that withdrawal of penis at the threshold of ejaculation to avoid unwanted pregnancy is a sin. At least, it is not stated as a sin anywhere in the Bible. I don’t know about other religions.

However, from my own perspective, since you cannot masturbate without indulging your imagination in a lustful sexual act with a woman, I consider such act to be a sin. This is because lust is a sin, even if it is expressed only in your thoughts. So much for masturbation, a secret youthful indulgence. Many youth are involved in it. It is abnormal and morally inappropriate, even if we have no specific Biblical verse that forbids it.

I hope I have dealt with masturbation and polygamy as best as I can. The option is always yours.

READ ALSO: How Pastor Adeboye got me writing on polygamy & the impact of my series

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Weekend Spice:

“If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”

-La Rochefoncauld

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Ladi Ayodeji is an Author, Rights Activist, Pastor, and Life Coach. He can be reached on 09059243004 (SMS & WhatsApp only).

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