Things good men don’t do in relationships

Good men don’t make you feel like an afterthought. He doesn’t play games with your heart. He doesn’t discard your feelings.

Kate Halim

Being in a relationship with a good man is heaven on earth. You know he loves you because his actions match his words. He sees you as his partner not like a subordinate he can boss around. He doesn’t make you feel inferior. He cares about your feelings and your growth. He also encourages you to succeed.

A good man is not threatened by his woman’s brilliance and dreams. He encourages her until she accomplishes her goals. A good man doesn’t stifle his woman’s gifts and talents. He doesn’t feel insecure about her success. He doesn’t threaten to call off their relationship because of her ambition.

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A good man is every woman’s dream. A good man will serenade you with so much love that you will continuously sparkle from the inside out. When you are with a good man, it shows. You become the envy of other women.

Unfortunately, many Nigerian women are in relationships with men who will do anything to keep them down. They are married to men who will stop good things from coming their way because they don’t want these women to be more successful than them. They keep these women in a place far lower than they should be in life.

A good man will not try to change your looks or appearance. He won’t insist you stop wearing trousers or makeup when he met you wearing those things. He won’t insist you get fat because he loves fat women when he met you a very slim woman. He is not an insecure man who thinks he has the right to change you into who you are not.

A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that’s demeaning to you or make you feel badly about yourself. If your man is doing this to you, he’s purposely attempting to lower your self-worth so you won’t feel confident enough to leave him. It’s his way of trying to control you and it is emotional abuse.

When you are in a relationship with a good man, he won’t invade your privacy. In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide text messages, emails, Facebook messages and calls. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open.

This is why I don’t understand Nigerian women who put up with men who command them to deactivate their social media accounts just to keep their homes. It sounds funny to me because these men who demand such foolish things sleep and wake up on social media where they hunt for unsuspecting ladies to have sex with.

READ ALSO: Compromises women shouldn’t make in relationships

Yet, they think they have the right to stop their wives from socially connecting with their friends, old school mates, potential customers and family members on social media. When I hear these women say they stay away from social media to let peace reign in their homes, I laugh at their foolishness.

Any man who stops you from relating with others is insecure and a smooth pretender and he is likely projecting his own infidelities and issues to you. This should not be ignored. If he wants you to stay away from social media, he should do the same too. You are not a robot who should obey everything you are told without questions. This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.

Good men don’t discourage their women from pursuing their dreams and aspiring great things. These men support the ambition of their women and help them be the best they can be in their chosen fields. They don’t insist their career-minded women abandon their dreams and become full time housewives.

READ ALSO: Women should seek counsel if overwhelmed –Yinka Ogunde

When you are in a relationship with a good man, he recognizes your value. He will not make you feel the need to prove it to him. You don’t have to prove your worth to the man you are dating or married to. A man should be with you because he values and appreciates who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.

Good men don’t make you feel like an afterthought. He doesn’t play games with your heart. He doesn’t discard your feelings. He doesn’t make you fight other women so that you can be with him. He doesn’t cheat on you with other women and blame them for seducing him instead of taking responsibility for his actions. He doesn’t treat you like an afterthought.

A good man will never make you feel like you are alone in the relationship. Relationships are a partnership. Your relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you are with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship.

No woman should be wasting her time and emotions on a man who doesn’t reciprocate her feelings. You shouldn’t be managing a man who makes you feel alone in your relationship. Don’t say he will change after marriage, you will suffer. You deserve a man who will be the best he can for you because that’s how to know if he’s a good man.

You know you are in a relationship with a good man when he doesn’t disrespect you. Many Nigerian women are married to men who don’t bat eyelids about disrespecting them. You claim to love your wife but your actions scream disrespect at every turn, who are you fooling?

Respecting your woman should be easy, simple, and basic, but many men often overlook this because society, culture and religion have taught them that women don’t need respect. They beat their chests in pride when they say a man’s greatest need is respect. What a big lie! Men and women deserve respect. A good man will respect his woman. He is not condescending. He doesn’t put her down, regardless of his intelligence, wealth or professional position.

A good man doesn’t avoid important conversations. He understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. He doesn’t shout down his woman when she expresses her concerns about his behaviour towards her. A good man doesn’t ignore his wife’s need to be heard and listened to. He won’t tell her to shut up because he is the man and the only reasonable person in the relationship. He won’t tell her to submit him even if she’s dying silently.

Good men don’t abuse their women. They don’t engage in verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

Abusers are sick individuals who have a twisted need to be in control and abusing others help them feel in control. This is why I don’t understand when women who are abused declare that the men physically abusing them are good men. Maybe they confuse them with good sex but a good man doesn’t abuse his woman.

A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself and not from attempting to place his woman below him. Women should run for dear life at any sign of any type of abuse. It will not get better and marriage won’t make him stop slapping you around. He will graduate to beating you black and blue.

Women need to stop making excuses for men who mistreat them and start lowering their tolerance for such nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve. If he doesn’t do that, what’s the point of staying with him? Do you have a secret death wish?



Congratulations, our noble lady of the pen. You continue to soar higher in your weekly educative write-ups on Saturdays. We appreciate you because we keep learning innovative relationship tech- niques from you. Keep it up!

– Tony, Umuahia

So you now advocate for pros- titutes masquerading as single mothers? You must be one of them to devote a page to such an immoral subject. Leave men alone and face your whoring fellow women who are lesbians and prostitutes like you. You clearly don’t have anything good to teach young women. I don’t know why they still allow you to write crap every Saturday and continue deceiving good women.

– Obinna, Aba

Kate, you are quite an interest- ing character. Despite weekly insults and name calling, you have not deterred from your feminist views that men and women are equal in relationships. I don’t know if you are a Christian but the Bible put men above women so they cannot be equals in marriage. Thank you for speaking up for single mothers. You did a good job on that subject. I enjoyed it.

– Oluchukwu, Awka

I am always excited reading from you. You make my weekends complete. May God promote you more than you expect in life for being a voice for women in Nigeria. You are our heroine. We love you.

– Jelilat, Sokoto

Kate, God will continue to keep you. Don’t listen to men who use women and treat them badly because they are the ones cursing themselves not you. Ride on my sister and may God be your strength as you desire to save women who are in bondage.

– Uju, Enugu

You are a big disgrace to women and a bad influence to the society. You are a drowning beast looking for women to take down with you. I hope women don’t start killing their husbands like Maryam Sanda after reading your satanic articles. On judgement day, one thing is sure; you can’t escape God’s terrible judgment. Your picture alone tells a lot about you. You are a frustrated, wounded and depressed woman.

– Kindness, Lagos

Thank you for being truthful in your articles. I know many sin- gle mothers who are working hard to take care of their chil- dren with no support from the men who impregnated them. As for those men who call sin- gle mothers all sorts of names in public but beg them for sex in private, they should hide their faces in shame. Is it not men who made these women mothers? Where are the men?

– James Ekpeh, Lagos

The post Things good men don’t do in relationships appeared first on – The Sun News.

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